Stop, look, listen: The Other Side Might Not Be as Monstrous as You think

Every day on social media I read comments from people on the left and on the right who are in mortal battles of words against each other. Some on the right avidly support President Trump in all he does or says. Some on the left discredit whatever President Trump does or says.

On the right, for example, there are folks like “Deplorable Mike,” @wmgill57, who Tweeted at 6:55 p.m., July 23, 2017, “We all must work as a well oiled machine. There may not be shooting (yet), but we’re at war with the hate America crowd nonetheless. #MAGA.” Deplorable Mike apparently is absolutely convinced that anyone who doesn’t support Mr. Trump hates America. I would imagine he has had few, if any, conversations with neighbors who don’t support Mr. Trump to find out their level of true patriotism. Mike just knows.

On the left, for example, folks like “McSpocky,” @mcspocky, whose Tweet at 10:06 a.m. on July 23, 2017, stated that “The people who most support the Republicans & the Tea Party…#Resist (by Jailing tRump).” McSpocky went further with his Tweet by attaching a photo meme.

The photo shows a stocky man wearing a bandana and a tee shirt with an American flag that reads “Thank God for Fox News.” Next to the photo is the following statement:

“The people who most support the Republicans and the Tea Party carry a secret burden. Many know that they are one medical emergency or broken down car away from ruin, and they blame the government. They vote against their own interests, often hurting themselves in concrete ways, in a vain attempt to deal with their own, misguided shame about being poor. They believe ‘freedom’ is the answer, even though they live a form of wage indenture in a rigged system.”  -Edwin Lyngar, Reno, Nevada, Occupy Democrats.

There is little middle ground between Deplorable Mike and McSpocky or Edwin Lyngar, except for a small sliver of ground for which they are not aware. On this tiny strip of common ground, they both believe they know everything there is to know about the other side, and they don’t like what they see. No, that is too weak; they despise what they think they know of the other side.

Mike and McSpocky and the thousands of social media warriors we witness daily share a tribal loyalty to their side, as well as supreme arrogance to believe they know everything there is to know about the other tribe. They have fallen into a human trap that psychologist Jonathan Haidt described in detail in his book, “The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion.” This book should be required reading before anyone is allowed on social media after the 2016 presidential election. (

Regaining civil discourse in America across the political spectrum will make America strong and functional again. Civil discourse and reading and watching news from many different sources — left, right and center — is a good way to understand other perspectives. If you really stop, look and listen to the words beneath the words, you will find that liberals, conservatives and moderates all love their country. They all want what’s best for the country. There are good people on left and right and center. Try to leave your defensiveness at the door and listen.

There are good ideas among conservatives and liberals. Sometimes a hybrid idea might just work and get us moving. Those embattled in their beliefs and enraged at the other side could be bound too tight to their chosen tribe and unable to see beyond. We should not reject a good idea just because another tribe suggested it first, but that is what’s happening. We should not accept an idea or action just because our tribe produced it, but that, also, is happening.

Blinded quote

If any righteous warriors out there have paused for a moment to read this blog post, I would encourage you further to stop, look and listen. Take a strategic pause. Find a person on the other side of the political spectrum who you know to be a good person. Find someone you can trust who thinks differently about politics. Start an honest conversation to find out what they really believe and what they stand for and why. What is their vision of a good quality community or their vision for their country? Ask them with sincerity and without judgment. Then explain what you believe and why, without personal attacks.

It is not your job to win your conversation partner to your way of thinking; you just need to understand what they are thinking and why. You might be pleasantly surprised at the common ground you find. The ability to have these calm and civil conversations is becoming a lost art. We must gain it back!



Finding My Voice in 2017


“you open your mouth to speak against the withering wind’s furnace blast.”
– From the Poem, “The Hole in the Fountain,” by Q.R. Quasar, published in Ocean of Suns, Global Scholarly Publications, New York, NY, 2010.

It took me decades to find my voice. I am Frances Davis, and I am part of the relatively silent and ignored center of American politics. For many years I felt like a ping pong ball in a continuous table tennis tournament between an angry right wing and left wing. I would chime in on issues from time to time, but my nuanced thinking never had a consistent spokesperson or voice in the debate. I would choose the party or candidates I thought were the most pragmatic and least radical in their positions, and hoped that checks and balances in our branches of government would keep the country on a sensible course for the common good. I certainly never wanted a communistic or purely socialistic government, and I grew increasingly alarmed at the radical right with its social Darwinism, social stigmas and fend for yourself “trickle down” mentality. I am not alone, but apparently people like me are succumbing gradually to the “black or white” thinking and logical fallacies on either “side” of American politics.

This common narrative in mainstream media and in discussions around workplace water coolers is that America is getting more polarized. Apparently polarization is not just a perception. The people in the United States really are getting more polarized. The Pew Research Center conducted a year-long study of polarization, the largest in the center’s history. The center polled more than 10,000 adults between January and March of 2014, and found that “Republicans and Democrats are further apart ideologically than at any point in recent history. Growing numbers of Republicans and Democrats express highly negative views of the opposing party.”

The Pew Research Center study found that the center has gotten smaller:

39% of Americans currently take a roughly equal number of liberal and conservative positions, down from 49% in surveys conducted in 1994 and 2004. And, those with mixed ideological views are not necessarily “moderates.” Despite their mixed ideological views in general, many express very conservative – or very liberal – opinions, depending on the specific issue.

I believe one reason the center is shrinking is because of the incessant barrage of “all or nothing” messages hitting the public. The modern day media, whether traditional media or social media, thrives on controversy and sensationalism, which draws attention, gets them paid and keeps them in business. A controversy needs “sides.” If one party believes the sky is green, then there must be an enemy who believes the sky is yellow. It feels good for people with strong beliefs to say “you are either with me or against me, and if you are against me, then you are evil.” The belief becomes a rallying point and helps form a group that gives members a sense of belonging and togetherness and a sense of being on a good and worthy team. The team members can then work together to find sources and evidence to support their belief in a state of group-think. They help reinforce each other’s confirmation bias – together they applaud evidence that support their belief and discredit evidence against their belief.

I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s watching Walt Disney movies with rapture. I learned at a young age to always look for the hero and the villain. Snow White had the evil queen, and Cinderella had the evil step mother and step sisters. If there is a good guy, there must be a bad guy somewhere. We had Hitler during the Second World War, and the Soviets during the Cold War. It makes life so much simpler and calming and unifying to have an enemy that we all agree upon and that unifies us. We lack a unifying enemy at this point in history, so we are fragmented and break into factions where we choose our own enemies. Many of what the different factions of our society rail against is the opposite side of a false dilemma. It is frustrating for the drowned out center to see these false dilemmas go unanswered. The false dichotomies become commonly believed narratives, accepted and assumed to be true by just about everyone.

The Skeptic’s Dictionary, by Robert T. Carroll, Ph.d., defines false dilemma (or false dichotomy) as “a fallacy of reasoning that omits consideration of all reasonable alternatives. Sometimes called the either-or fallacy, one poses what looks like a true dilemma–I must pick one or the other–when, in fact, there are other viable alternatives. (There can be false trilemmas, etc.)

Normand Baillargeon, in A Short Course in Intellectual Self-Defense, Seven Stories Press, 2008,, described false dilemmas and provided examples:

A false dilemma arises when we allow ourselves to be convinced that we have to choose between two and only two mutually exclusive options, when that is untrue. Generally, when this rhetorical strategy is used, one of the options is unacceptable and repulsive, while the other is the one the manipulator wants us to choose. Whoever succumbs to this trap has thus made a choice that is forced, and as such, of little value. . . . Here are a few examples of common false dilemmas:
• Either medicine can explain how Ms. X was cured, or it is a miracle. Medicine can’t explain how she was cured. Therefore it is a miracle.
• If we don’t reduce public spending, our economy will collapse.
• America: Love it or leave it.

I have found my voice and finally know where I reside in the chaotic political spectrum in the US. I reside somewhere in the purple depths between the blue and the red; it is not an easy place to reside ( I will watch for false dilemmas and point them out when I can. I will attempt to generate an open and thoughtful discussion. While others still may not hear me or listen, I will at least start speaking up in and elsewhere on social media. Silence is no longer an option.

-Frances Davis January 7, 2017