Stop, look, listen: The Other Side Might Not Be as Monstrous as You think

Every day on social media I read comments from people on the left and on the right who are in mortal battles of words against each other. Some on the right avidly support President Trump in all he does or says. Some on the left discredit whatever President Trump does or says.

On the right, for example, there are folks like “Deplorable Mike,” @wmgill57, who Tweeted at 6:55 p.m., July 23, 2017, “We all must work as a well oiled machine. There may not be shooting (yet), but we’re at war with the hate America crowd nonetheless. #MAGA.” Deplorable Mike apparently is absolutely convinced that anyone who doesn’t support Mr. Trump hates America. I would imagine he has had few, if any, conversations with neighbors who don’t support Mr. Trump to find out their level of true patriotism. Mike just knows.

On the left, for example, folks like “McSpocky,” @mcspocky, whose Tweet at 10:06 a.m. on July 23, 2017, stated that “The people who most support the Republicans & the Tea Party…#Resist (by Jailing tRump).” McSpocky went further with his Tweet by attaching a photo meme.

The photo shows a stocky man wearing a bandana and a tee shirt with an American flag that reads “Thank God for Fox News.” Next to the photo is the following statement:

“The people who most support the Republicans and the Tea Party carry a secret burden. Many know that they are one medical emergency or broken down car away from ruin, and they blame the government. They vote against their own interests, often hurting themselves in concrete ways, in a vain attempt to deal with their own, misguided shame about being poor. They believe ‘freedom’ is the answer, even though they live a form of wage indenture in a rigged system.”  -Edwin Lyngar, Reno, Nevada, Occupy Democrats.

There is little middle ground between Deplorable Mike and McSpocky or Edwin Lyngar, except for a small sliver of ground for which they are not aware. On this tiny strip of common ground, they both believe they know everything there is to know about the other side, and they don’t like what they see. No, that is too weak; they despise what they think they know of the other side.

Mike and McSpocky and the thousands of social media warriors we witness daily share a tribal loyalty to their side, as well as supreme arrogance to believe they know everything there is to know about the other tribe. They have fallen into a human trap that psychologist Jonathan Haidt described in detail in his book, “The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion.” This book should be required reading before anyone is allowed on social media after the 2016 presidential election. (

Regaining civil discourse in America across the political spectrum will make America strong and functional again. Civil discourse and reading and watching news from many different sources — left, right and center — is a good way to understand other perspectives. If you really stop, look and listen to the words beneath the words, you will find that liberals, conservatives and moderates all love their country. They all want what’s best for the country. There are good people on left and right and center. Try to leave your defensiveness at the door and listen.

There are good ideas among conservatives and liberals. Sometimes a hybrid idea might just work and get us moving. Those embattled in their beliefs and enraged at the other side could be bound too tight to their chosen tribe and unable to see beyond. We should not reject a good idea just because another tribe suggested it first, but that is what’s happening. We should not accept an idea or action just because our tribe produced it, but that, also, is happening.

Blinded quote

If any righteous warriors out there have paused for a moment to read this blog post, I would encourage you further to stop, look and listen. Take a strategic pause. Find a person on the other side of the political spectrum who you know to be a good person. Find someone you can trust who thinks differently about politics. Start an honest conversation to find out what they really believe and what they stand for and why. What is their vision of a good quality community or their vision for their country? Ask them with sincerity and without judgment. Then explain what you believe and why, without personal attacks.

It is not your job to win your conversation partner to your way of thinking; you just need to understand what they are thinking and why. You might be pleasantly surprised at the common ground you find. The ability to have these calm and civil conversations is becoming a lost art. We must gain it back!



We need more humility in American politics

Ezra Benson Pride

Whether we are Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal, or somewhere in between.  Not one of us is all-knowing.  Let’s stop being so concerned about “winning” for our party or team and be more concerned about finding pathways that are good for the country as a whole. At this time in our history, we need less gloating, less finger-pointing and blame, and more teamwork and problem-solving. We can do it!

America: It’s time to snap out of our collective political depression

By Frances Davis

The signs of collective political depression are visible all around us. Our “all or nothing” thinking – a classic symptom of clinical depression – gives us away. Citizens and interest groups pick a position and stick with it, no matter how fierce the storm. We will band together with our like-minded compatriots, board up the windows, and ride out the hurricane.

We know everything about our opponents and we will fight them. Obstruct! Resist! Our way or bust! Attack the person and the position. Launch a Twitter storm. Whatever it will take. We are all captains who must “win” or go down with our ships. Our hope for the survival of our country under its current form of government – our life raft – lies in learning to move into the eye of the storm where we can think clearly, speak clearly, and negotiate calmly with an open mind for solutions that get us most or all of what we want.

When President Barack Obama was elected 44th President of the U.S., citizens on the right side of the political spectrum saw disaster. The far left had taken over the country and was sending it into the liberal abyss. The “Tea Party” got a boost of adrenalin and booted out moderate Republicans who were able to step into a calmer place to talk, negotiate and compromise with the Democrats for the good of the country. The “Freedom Caucus” is still with us in the House of Representatives to demand hard conservative positions and discourage compromise.

The Tea Party’s website is permeated by “all or nothing” thinking The organization has all the so-called right answers with “15 Non-negotiable Core Beliefs” that are proclaimed so that the “politically blind see, and deaf hear!” It is difficult for others to come to the table to discuss new paths forward with the Tea Party after being called blind and deaf and being presented with a list of hardline principles that are off-limits for discussion.

When President Donald Trump was elected 45th President of the U.S., citizens on the left of the political spectrum believed our country was doomed. A far right nationalistic leadership had the country in its grip and would take us over the conservative cliff. The “Resist” movement formed. It seems progressives are trying to form their own version of the Tea Party. The pendulum is swinging from left to right, with no end to the harsh polarization in sight.

The Facebook @TrumpResistanceMovement page had 192,951 “likes” and growing (up two percent from last week) as of the writing of this article on The site damns the current White House without wiggle room by proclaiming a “peaceful resistance to the intolerance and bigotry of the Trump Administration.”

The San Francisco Chronicle speculates that a popular Trump resistance organization called “Indivisible” may be the start of the new Tea Party on the left. Chronicle staff writer Joe Garofoli summarized Indivisible’s strategy:

Members of Congress don’t do anything unless their constituents hold them accountable, either by showing up en masse at district meetings armed with pointed questions (and video cameras to record the confrontation), or by overwhelming their offices with phone calls. That’s just what the newly born Tea Party did to Democrats after President Barack Obama took office in 2009, helping to flip the House back to the GOP in 2010.”

For the sake of argument, let’s say “Indivisible” and other resistance organizations are successful in their aim to tip the scale to majority Democrat in 2018 and then get a Democrat into the White House in 2020. Would the Democrats attempt to shove unilateral legislation and executive orders down the throats of the rest of the country the way the so-called unified Republican government is attempting to do now? This would not get us the best solutions to our common problems. This success would rile up the far right again to oppose and counter the success. The pendulum would continue to swing while our divided country grew weaker. We have a better, stronger country when we are more unified across the divide, when we search for bipartisan solutions on common ground.Tea party and resistance comparison

Our country’s collective political persona is depressed. We are caught on both sides with “all or nothing” thinking. Our political process is depressed, and we need to find a pathway out of this state. If we are not working to pave a way out, then we are part of the problem. We need to recapture our team spirit and ability to understand and empathize with other points of view. “Most life events are not ‘completely disastrous’ or ‘absolutely wonderful’ but contain elements of both good and bad,” stated an article on by Uncommon Knowledge LLP, a UK-based company. “Depression makes people think in absolutes.”

Progress and sensible governing happens when everyone comes to the table with an open mind and willingness to listen and look for creative solutions that don’t leave others behind. Sustainable positive outcomes don’t happen when everyone at the table already “knows it all” and is trying to convince others their way is the only way.

Author Charles Wheelen wrote in “The Centrist Manifesto” that we need to be pragmatic to solve problems facing our country, but politicians and the opposing grassroots movements are more concerned with “ideological inputs rather than quality-of-life outputs.”

Wheelen asked: “What is the problem we are trying to address? Why isn’t the market fixing it? What policy or policies would produce a better outcome? What are the costs of such policies, and who will bear them? What are the reasonable potential compromises that would give most parties most of what they want? Is this a good idea – regardless of which political party proposed it?”

There are good ideas and goals proposed by both conservatives and liberals. Abraham Lincoln said in 1854 “The legitimate object of government, is to do for a community of people, whatever they need to have done, but cannot do, at all, or cannot, so well do, for themselves – in their separate, and individual capacities.”

There are times when a free market system works, but also times when government intervention is needed at federal level, state level, or local level, and there are times when some balanced hybrid between free market and a government referee is needed to prevent greedy price gouging or abuse of workers. We should be able to have a discussion about the balance between government and free markets without devolving into personal attacks and biased generalizations about people who have different opinions and proclivities. We should be able at least to agree on what the problems are, agree on the non-partisan facts, and then have a collegial discussion on how best to solve those problems for the most good at the least cost.

Unfortunately, however, it is difficult for elected officials to govern and to think sensibly while the pendulum is swinging and the political base on either side is fired up, storming their representative’s town hall meetings demanding their way, with the threat of voting their representative out of office. Compromise and collaboration have become terms to mean “selling out.”

This polarization characterizes depression. The Uncommon Knowledge LLP article continues with advice that we could readily apply to our politics:

 All or Nothing, or ‘Black and White’ thinking is the thought pattern that allows us to generate a ‘flight or fight’ response to danger. It is still needed in the world today, but not many times a day in relation to non-life-threatening stress, as so often happens with depression.”

Citizens get more excited about extreme positions than from middle-of-the road positions. It’s the difference between an ice cream sundae sugar rush, and greens with a vitamin pill chaser we know is good for us but boring.

“Because ‘All or Nothing’ thinking is emotionally arousing, it causes over-dreaming and maintains depression…,” stated the Uncommon Knowledge LLP article. In American politics today, we’re getting dreamers and ideologues fighting for their positions with their hearts and minds closed to the feasibility of their dreams. Some are earnest, perfectly well-intentioned people who are making some great points here and there, but these points in an isolated echo chamber are not doing our country any good.

We must look for signs within ourselves that we are perceiving reality with “all or nothing” thinking. It is “emotionally and physically damaging,” says Uncommon Knowledge LLP, for us as individuals. I contend this thought pattern is also damaging to America. We must challenge ourselves to think differently. Avoid personal attacks on perceived opponents and consider the basis for their concern and how a different approach might get both of you most of what you need. It is possible to disagree without denigrating the person and assuming the harshest of motives. We don’t have to be right all the time, and further, no matter how intelligent, well-read or well-informed we are, we don’t know it all. Not one of us is perfect or all-knowing.

According to Uncommon Knowledge LLP team, all or nothing thinking is found in depressed people everywhere because “it is part of the most primitive of human responses: The Fight or Flight Response. When faced with a life-threatening situation, we must make a snap decision and act on it. There is no time for ‘maybe this’, or ‘maybe that’.”

Our still young America cannot long survive in a “fight or flight” state of being. Name-calling and shouting over each other will not help us find a new pathway. Instead of shouts of “Obstruct!” on the right and “Resist!” on the left, we should be whispering together: “Listen!” “Think!” “Discuss!” “Unite!” It is time to calm down, listen to each other, and find a new sensible path forward that leads to feasible, acceptable, suitable and sustainable solutions.

Whether hard right or hard left, placing our country above hardline ideology will save us from ourselves

Resist quote

People of good conscience and reason must rise up to stop the pendulum swing from hard right obstruction to hard left resistance. The pendulum will continue to swing until the fabric of our country and our Democratic Republic is ripped to shreds.

Good people and good ideas reside on both sides of the political spectrum. We can disagree without attacking each other as people. Don’t get caught up in the human dimension of vengeance and pay back. Work to understand other political points of view. We need a give and take relationship. We can find a way to communicate and join forces to find Win-Win solutions and compromises that take into account those on the other side. We have done it before; we can do it again!  #FixNotFight

America must protect its bipartisan vital national interests


Harvard professor and Pulitzer prize winner Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr., understood that American has “certain unalterable interests that no government can abandon.” Whether a Republican, Democrat, or nationalist is in the White House, we must continue bipartisan foreign policy initiatives. Unilateral “America First” policies may put America last, and create global unrest.